Man,I can't beleive how long it has been since l last updated this...l blame no internet and being busy.
Look out for a bunch of stuff being put up this week..
Friday, 28 August 2009
Long Way Back From Hell
Man,I can't beleive how long it has been since l last updated this...l blame no internet and being busy.
Look out for a bunch of stuff being put up this week..
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
alpha.
the beginning
nights and nights
hours and hours
l waste away
l dream away
to curb the sting
of this age old curse
that runs so clean
through mind through body
through past and present
l spend endless days
wasting away
on a sofa that
l call home
still wishing between
oceans
still coming up alone
my feet still ache
my head stays sore
l wait l wait l wait
no shelter
just time to waste
and nothing to say
tick tick tick tock...
the beginning
nights and nights
hours and hours
l waste away
l dream away
to curb the sting
of this age old curse
that runs so clean
through mind through body
through past and present
l spend endless days
wasting away
on a sofa that
l call home
still wishing between
oceans
still coming up alone
my feet still ache
my head stays sore
l wait l wait l wait
no shelter
just time to waste
and nothing to say
tick tick tick tock...
Sunday, 29 March 2009
Real Estate.
it was a cold night, a harrowing night, a nights where the cold from the wind and the vast emptiness of the dark chills you to your very soul.
l lit a cigarrete and stared out the window.the street was eeriely quiet.
l heard scream just then a
women came running out of her house with a man chasing her, she was bleeding.slowly she pulled out a gun and shot him point blank in the head.
he hit the floor with a bang and a crimson pool started seeping through the cracks on the pavement glistening in the moonlight.
the women quietly put the gun away and went back into the house.closed the curtains and turned off the lights.
Just then a moving van pulled up and a family started loading some furniture out.
2 kids around 8 years old walked up to the body stared for a while then carried on playing ball.
the parents just quietly moved the body off there grass and carried on moving.
the sign on there front door said 'welcome to the neighbourhood'
l guess some people will do anything to live in a nice place...
it was a cold night, a harrowing night, a nights where the cold from the wind and the vast emptiness of the dark chills you to your very soul.
l lit a cigarrete and stared out the window.the street was eeriely quiet.
l heard scream just then a
women came running out of her house with a man chasing her, she was bleeding.slowly she pulled out a gun and shot him point blank in the head.
he hit the floor with a bang and a crimson pool started seeping through the cracks on the pavement glistening in the moonlight.
the women quietly put the gun away and went back into the house.closed the curtains and turned off the lights.
Just then a moving van pulled up and a family started loading some furniture out.
2 kids around 8 years old walked up to the body stared for a while then carried on playing ball.
the parents just quietly moved the body off there grass and carried on moving.
the sign on there front door said 'welcome to the neighbourhood'
l guess some people will do anything to live in a nice place...
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Solitude 4.
We plow on through sweden,l loved the few days we spent there and head into norway. we have no norwegain currancy and get stuck at the toll booth at the border. l throw in any coins l have and we just bail straight through it.a camera goes off and gets me smiling at it.damn.
we have a 5 hour drive to the show at the bottom on norway and its all along a one road mountain ridge. everyone is already falling asleep and l'm terrifed we are just going to plummet to our death in the middle of norway.luckily its sunny and the weathers ok.
l thought the landscape in sweden were intense but norway is unreal. crazy mountains and rivers intertwining and going on for miles..l dont get much time to stop and take it all in but l'm in awe of some of the things l see.
Somewhere in Poland...this is by far the bleakest country l have ever been, its just misery everywhere l look, half the roads we are driving on are'nt even finished with huge mounds of rubble by the sides and on the road.
After about 3 hours of driving through the countryside with nothing but abandoned building and people selling what looks like rocks at the side of the road we finally come to civilsations.
perhaps l have judged poland too early, the city looks real nice and clean ,although trying to find somwhere to eat is a nightmare.
we get to the show and l see some food on the table for us so l dive in, just before l take a bit l look up at everyones faces and they just drop..l take a bite and its the worst thingl have ever tasted, its some kind of banana.rasin and tomato pasta concoction and is so grimm.l load up on bread and ask the promoter where l can make a phone call.
he shouts over his friend who kindly tells me that he needs to come with me as the area is very dangerous and l will get robbed if they hear l'm english.
l realise a phone call is not worth gettting stabbed for and politely decline using it.
the show is pretty busy and we start playing, straight away the front of the crowd which consists of huge skinhead men start thrashing and jumping around, l get knocked back into dans guitar and now l'm scared. these guys are laying waste to anyone on the way and my muscular 10 stone frame is no match so l just have to keep bobbing and moving not to get hit.
After the show it feels like my stomach is trying to eat its way out l'm so hungry. we wander round the town and find a fast food place. l feel like a total english idiot as l can't read the menu or understand what the staff are saying,the only vegetarian option l see is pizza and l sit down literally dying to eat.
the pizza arrives and l look in bewilderment, it basically a slice of bread with some cheese on top as the waitress come over and squits a big dollop of ketchup in the middle.
l cautiosly take a bite as l'm so hungry l could eat my own hands right about now so some weird pizza bread will have to do.
we head back to where we are staying, a huge room next to a porn shop.go figure.
l get into my sleeping bag on a cold wooden floor and thank god we are leaving tommorow.
Our last show is in east germany and its a million degrees in the venue, l am sweating just writing this. the show was real good though but once it finishes l grab everyone and we say goodbye and jump in the van, we have 12 hours to drive through 4 countries to get the ferry home.
It goes fine until we hit belguim., everyine is asleep and l cant see the road anymore, the lines and colour are blending into one, l start hallucinating and my eyes close every 2 seconds.
l jump keep on driving like a machine, l know we have to get this ferry so l keep going. l count at least 6 speed camers flash the van and l'm swerving all over the road but l'm still going.
by the time we are 50 miles from calais my eyes have melted into my brain, l cant focus on anything and l am pretty much half asleep all the way, l have been awake for 26 hours now and still have a 5 hour drive when we get into england.
we get to the ferry with 30 mins to spare,everyone wakes up and we decide to count the tour money,we have a stack but then dan decides to mention we owe his parents loads to fix the van before we got it which leaves fuck all left.everyone looks bummed and l worry how l m gonna pay rent.
Back on home turf l put my foot to the floor and head up the motorwayay, l dont care how tired l am l just wanna get home. the van starts making a weird noise and l think 'fuck' its gonna break down. if it does l'm pushing it home,l'd gone past the point of reason by now.
finally 4 hours later we pull into sheffield and load out.later when dan starts the van up, the engine starts smoking and melts and we have to scrap the van..l think the gods were looking down on us for at least one night,haha
l take my clothes off and get into bed,a real bed for the first time in 3 weeks is amazing.l close my eyes and my head's heavy full of memories, stories and good times. l smile and start to dream....
We plow on through sweden,l loved the few days we spent there and head into norway. we have no norwegain currancy and get stuck at the toll booth at the border. l throw in any coins l have and we just bail straight through it.a camera goes off and gets me smiling at it.damn.
we have a 5 hour drive to the show at the bottom on norway and its all along a one road mountain ridge. everyone is already falling asleep and l'm terrifed we are just going to plummet to our death in the middle of norway.luckily its sunny and the weathers ok.
l thought the landscape in sweden were intense but norway is unreal. crazy mountains and rivers intertwining and going on for miles..l dont get much time to stop and take it all in but l'm in awe of some of the things l see.
Somewhere in Poland...this is by far the bleakest country l have ever been, its just misery everywhere l look, half the roads we are driving on are'nt even finished with huge mounds of rubble by the sides and on the road.
After about 3 hours of driving through the countryside with nothing but abandoned building and people selling what looks like rocks at the side of the road we finally come to civilsations.
perhaps l have judged poland too early, the city looks real nice and clean ,although trying to find somwhere to eat is a nightmare.
we get to the show and l see some food on the table for us so l dive in, just before l take a bit l look up at everyones faces and they just drop..l take a bite and its the worst thingl have ever tasted, its some kind of banana.rasin and tomato pasta concoction and is so grimm.l load up on bread and ask the promoter where l can make a phone call.
he shouts over his friend who kindly tells me that he needs to come with me as the area is very dangerous and l will get robbed if they hear l'm english.
l realise a phone call is not worth gettting stabbed for and politely decline using it.
the show is pretty busy and we start playing, straight away the front of the crowd which consists of huge skinhead men start thrashing and jumping around, l get knocked back into dans guitar and now l'm scared. these guys are laying waste to anyone on the way and my muscular 10 stone frame is no match so l just have to keep bobbing and moving not to get hit.
After the show it feels like my stomach is trying to eat its way out l'm so hungry. we wander round the town and find a fast food place. l feel like a total english idiot as l can't read the menu or understand what the staff are saying,the only vegetarian option l see is pizza and l sit down literally dying to eat.
the pizza arrives and l look in bewilderment, it basically a slice of bread with some cheese on top as the waitress come over and squits a big dollop of ketchup in the middle.
l cautiosly take a bite as l'm so hungry l could eat my own hands right about now so some weird pizza bread will have to do.
we head back to where we are staying, a huge room next to a porn shop.go figure.
l get into my sleeping bag on a cold wooden floor and thank god we are leaving tommorow.
Our last show is in east germany and its a million degrees in the venue, l am sweating just writing this. the show was real good though but once it finishes l grab everyone and we say goodbye and jump in the van, we have 12 hours to drive through 4 countries to get the ferry home.
It goes fine until we hit belguim., everyine is asleep and l cant see the road anymore, the lines and colour are blending into one, l start hallucinating and my eyes close every 2 seconds.
l jump keep on driving like a machine, l know we have to get this ferry so l keep going. l count at least 6 speed camers flash the van and l'm swerving all over the road but l'm still going.
by the time we are 50 miles from calais my eyes have melted into my brain, l cant focus on anything and l am pretty much half asleep all the way, l have been awake for 26 hours now and still have a 5 hour drive when we get into england.
we get to the ferry with 30 mins to spare,everyone wakes up and we decide to count the tour money,we have a stack but then dan decides to mention we owe his parents loads to fix the van before we got it which leaves fuck all left.everyone looks bummed and l worry how l m gonna pay rent.
Back on home turf l put my foot to the floor and head up the motorwayay, l dont care how tired l am l just wanna get home. the van starts making a weird noise and l think 'fuck' its gonna break down. if it does l'm pushing it home,l'd gone past the point of reason by now.
finally 4 hours later we pull into sheffield and load out.later when dan starts the van up, the engine starts smoking and melts and we have to scrap the van..l think the gods were looking down on us for at least one night,haha
l take my clothes off and get into bed,a real bed for the first time in 3 weeks is amazing.l close my eyes and my head's heavy full of memories, stories and good times. l smile and start to dream....
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Solitude 3
l awake with a loud screaming, l open my eyes and look across at 5 children screaming and running around the ferry deck. l curse under my breathe and want to throw one of those damn kids overboard.
l rub my eyes and sit up and look out the window. we are just pulling into the port. the sun is blazing and the sea is as clear as crystal.l go and find the rest of the band and we pile into the van.
l worked out l had about 3 hours sleep and now we have another 6 hour drive to the middle of sweden.l feel like l should just glue myself to the drivers seat.
We head off through the country, everyones dying of hunger and l promise to stop at the first food place we see.after about an hour. a burger king comes into sight.great...welcome to sweden.
The sun is out and the landscape looks unreal.l can finally relax. the sun can really bring out the best in people sometimes.l watch the trees, houses and people wizz past me as l drive, a vortex of colours and sounds l'm desperatly trying to focus on and store.
After a few hours we pull into the venue and pile out. l have a wonder round the city and soak up the amazing architecture and amazing scenery .l sit down and lay on some steps and stare at the sky.its a dazzling blue and at that moment l wanted to stay there forever.
After the show we all head into town and go to a club.the singer from one of the support bands in serving behind the bar and keeps loading everyone up with shots that taste like the worst cough medicine you can imagine.
After a hour everyone is fucked.a constant stream of liquor and pretty women and everyones going nuts.dan and josh are going round every girl in there trying to get some action.
Not being a big drinker l feel trashed, my head is thumping and everything is starting to look fuzzy but l feel good and its nice to be relaxing with my friends miles away from home.
After a few more drinks everything just starts to get hazy...
The club closes and kicks everyone out.now with night of liqour inside them everyone goes crazy outside and starts screaming and generally acting nuts.josh who was trying to get with this girl all night starts screaming at the guy shes with and going wild at him, the guy who obviosluy doesnt understand a northern english accent looks terrified.so l pull him away just as the swedish guy we are with come over and tells us we need to leave now,l look up the street and see a bunch of skinheads staring down at us.apparantly someone told them there was a bunch of drunk english guys in town and they came down to fight.
no one notices this and l try and round everyone up to leave, the last thing l want is trouble this far away from home.
we somehow manage to get back to the venue we are sleeping at,we cram into a room with some bunk beds and the chaos continues.everyone starts jumping and pulling the beds off the wall, a pillow and a chest of draws go out the window and everyone is just laughing.l dont know whats going on but l start laughing uncontroallbly and soon everyone on is on the floor in stitches,no ones has any idea why we are laughing and l think to myself this must be what insanity feels like..
After a while everyone calms down and we try and sleep, l curl up in my sleeping bag and everything is still very fuzzy, l have a feeling l'll regret this come morning...TBC
l awake with a loud screaming, l open my eyes and look across at 5 children screaming and running around the ferry deck. l curse under my breathe and want to throw one of those damn kids overboard.
l rub my eyes and sit up and look out the window. we are just pulling into the port. the sun is blazing and the sea is as clear as crystal.l go and find the rest of the band and we pile into the van.
l worked out l had about 3 hours sleep and now we have another 6 hour drive to the middle of sweden.l feel like l should just glue myself to the drivers seat.
We head off through the country, everyones dying of hunger and l promise to stop at the first food place we see.after about an hour. a burger king comes into sight.great...welcome to sweden.
The sun is out and the landscape looks unreal.l can finally relax. the sun can really bring out the best in people sometimes.l watch the trees, houses and people wizz past me as l drive, a vortex of colours and sounds l'm desperatly trying to focus on and store.
After a few hours we pull into the venue and pile out. l have a wonder round the city and soak up the amazing architecture and amazing scenery .l sit down and lay on some steps and stare at the sky.its a dazzling blue and at that moment l wanted to stay there forever.
After the show we all head into town and go to a club.the singer from one of the support bands in serving behind the bar and keeps loading everyone up with shots that taste like the worst cough medicine you can imagine.
After a hour everyone is fucked.a constant stream of liquor and pretty women and everyones going nuts.dan and josh are going round every girl in there trying to get some action.
Not being a big drinker l feel trashed, my head is thumping and everything is starting to look fuzzy but l feel good and its nice to be relaxing with my friends miles away from home.
After a few more drinks everything just starts to get hazy...
The club closes and kicks everyone out.now with night of liqour inside them everyone goes crazy outside and starts screaming and generally acting nuts.josh who was trying to get with this girl all night starts screaming at the guy shes with and going wild at him, the guy who obviosluy doesnt understand a northern english accent looks terrified.so l pull him away just as the swedish guy we are with come over and tells us we need to leave now,l look up the street and see a bunch of skinheads staring down at us.apparantly someone told them there was a bunch of drunk english guys in town and they came down to fight.
no one notices this and l try and round everyone up to leave, the last thing l want is trouble this far away from home.
we somehow manage to get back to the venue we are sleeping at,we cram into a room with some bunk beds and the chaos continues.everyone starts jumping and pulling the beds off the wall, a pillow and a chest of draws go out the window and everyone is just laughing.l dont know whats going on but l start laughing uncontroallbly and soon everyone on is on the floor in stitches,no ones has any idea why we are laughing and l think to myself this must be what insanity feels like..
After a while everyone calms down and we try and sleep, l curl up in my sleeping bag and everything is still very fuzzy, l have a feeling l'll regret this come morning...TBC
notes from a bathtub..
l watched the tide rise and fall and spit furiously at the rocks like the gods were taking pot shots at me.l took a big breathe in and smelt the faint promise of better days and saw etched in the sand years of timeless memories.is life just a series of moments and fragments pieced together so we you look back it just seems to fit no matter if it ever did?. we are all so tightly connected by words. simple phrases that can make or break the way you feel and yet we cant say exactly what we feel most of the time.we live by feigned instinct and an underlying desire to be accepted.
but no matter how hard the storm takes hold the unexpected can hit at any moment, like an anchor that suddenly grounds you to a halt.we get so borne down by routines that we can bypass even the most simple pleasures in life.how can l live today when l keep looking to yesterday?
She walks in,l smile, she smiles,she wanders over to me.we exchange pleasantries, an awkward silence appears grippng me so tighly l can hardly breathe,sweat builds around my neck and my mind races for something cool and relaxed to say,seconds pass but l feel like l’ve been here for days.once so close now distance looms over us like an ever threatening rain cloud.my stomach knots up and my heart starts thumping.l could once tell this person anything now l struggle to say hello.l tear out my bones to build a wall between me and these never ending emotions.
my heart feels like a machine, little men turning cogs and wheels to flow blood and words to my brain and back but sometimes they go on strike leaving my heart to go overtime resulting in many emotions and feelings spilling out if my mouth with no control splattering on paper like a rorschach test.
l stand at the edge of darkness and wait for the night to swallow me whole.
god damn, l cant write anything today....
tonight i am down to my soul
tonight i am gambling with my sentiment
tonight i am gambling with my salvation
tonight i am damned to my soul
l watched the tide rise and fall and spit furiously at the rocks like the gods were taking pot shots at me.l took a big breathe in and smelt the faint promise of better days and saw etched in the sand years of timeless memories.is life just a series of moments and fragments pieced together so we you look back it just seems to fit no matter if it ever did?. we are all so tightly connected by words. simple phrases that can make or break the way you feel and yet we cant say exactly what we feel most of the time.we live by feigned instinct and an underlying desire to be accepted.
but no matter how hard the storm takes hold the unexpected can hit at any moment, like an anchor that suddenly grounds you to a halt.we get so borne down by routines that we can bypass even the most simple pleasures in life.how can l live today when l keep looking to yesterday?
She walks in,l smile, she smiles,she wanders over to me.we exchange pleasantries, an awkward silence appears grippng me so tighly l can hardly breathe,sweat builds around my neck and my mind races for something cool and relaxed to say,seconds pass but l feel like l’ve been here for days.once so close now distance looms over us like an ever threatening rain cloud.my stomach knots up and my heart starts thumping.l could once tell this person anything now l struggle to say hello.l tear out my bones to build a wall between me and these never ending emotions.
my heart feels like a machine, little men turning cogs and wheels to flow blood and words to my brain and back but sometimes they go on strike leaving my heart to go overtime resulting in many emotions and feelings spilling out if my mouth with no control splattering on paper like a rorschach test.
l stand at the edge of darkness and wait for the night to swallow me whole.
god damn, l cant write anything today....
tonight i am down to my soul
tonight i am gambling with my sentiment
tonight i am gambling with my salvation
tonight i am damned to my soul
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Friday, 13 March 2009
l packed my bags and l left
this restlessness could not sit still any more
l walked for miles
past the ocean
past parks
past streets
past houses with no one home
past the grass where l sat most summer evenings
reading miller's adventures in paris
and l saw faces of my past in every store window
and shadows of myself behind every tree
and l washed it all away
to watch the sun set behind a backdrop of stars
and feel the night cut through me like a thousand knives
so with a heavy heart and a wandering mind
l swallowed 5 years in one breath
and went into battle with time.
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Monday, 9 March 2009
Solitude II
we pull up to the show, its cold and miserable and we are playing in what looks like a practise room, again it's fucking freezing in here and l'm cursing leaving my gloves behind at someones house.it's so cold that l'd give anything for the warm touch of flesh on flesh right now.
l look around for somewhere to take a piss and head into the corner of a shed that looks straight out of the texas chainsaw massacre, l'm half expecting to be dragged inside and killed.
theres so many people around yet l've never felt so alone.time seems to stop when l'm away and l feel like l'm starting to rust,my insides a mess of circuits and oil.
l'm head back inside and dan pulls me over wanting the keys to the van, turns out he wants to go and sleep with some girl he just met in the van..l guess romance isnt dead after all.l am already so so tired and straight after the show we have to drive to sweden.
driving through the night to make it to the ferry port,everyone else is asleep and l feel like my eyelid are being pulled down every 2 seconds, to keep me eyes open is a constant battle and not a very fun one. theres nothing scarier than falling asleep into that half sleep/half awake zone that comes from total exhaustion when you are driving.
l wake u with a jolt and open a window and am hit with a blast of icy cold air. l read somewhere the longest a person went without sleep was eleven days,l guess after so much exhaustion your body just runs on auto pilot.
a few hours later and my bodys auto pilot has served me well, we get to the ferry port at dawn and board on, l throw my sleeping bag down and curl up under next to a window, l look out across the sea and my eyes start to drift....TBC
we pull up to the show, its cold and miserable and we are playing in what looks like a practise room, again it's fucking freezing in here and l'm cursing leaving my gloves behind at someones house.it's so cold that l'd give anything for the warm touch of flesh on flesh right now.
l look around for somewhere to take a piss and head into the corner of a shed that looks straight out of the texas chainsaw massacre, l'm half expecting to be dragged inside and killed.
theres so many people around yet l've never felt so alone.time seems to stop when l'm away and l feel like l'm starting to rust,my insides a mess of circuits and oil.
l'm head back inside and dan pulls me over wanting the keys to the van, turns out he wants to go and sleep with some girl he just met in the van..l guess romance isnt dead after all.l am already so so tired and straight after the show we have to drive to sweden.
driving through the night to make it to the ferry port,everyone else is asleep and l feel like my eyelid are being pulled down every 2 seconds, to keep me eyes open is a constant battle and not a very fun one. theres nothing scarier than falling asleep into that half sleep/half awake zone that comes from total exhaustion when you are driving.
l wake u with a jolt and open a window and am hit with a blast of icy cold air. l read somewhere the longest a person went without sleep was eleven days,l guess after so much exhaustion your body just runs on auto pilot.
a few hours later and my bodys auto pilot has served me well, we get to the ferry port at dawn and board on, l throw my sleeping bag down and curl up under next to a window, l look out across the sea and my eyes start to drift....TBC
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Solitude.
5.49am.On a sofa in somewhere in germany, the room is pitch black and dan is snoring so loud l can't hear myself think,it makes me wanna go over and somther him with his god damn sleeping bag, l turn over and my whole body aches and creaks from the show last night, l dont know how much longer l can keep this up, giving my soul to rooms of uninterested people each night, laying down my bones for the vultures to pick off in the name of performance. it's getting tiring.
l put my headphones in and try to drift off to sleep despite knowing l have to be up in 3 hours for another 8 hour drive.great.
l stare into the darkness trying to focus on whats in the room ,recently sleep has become an alien concept to me,my nights are filled with patches of broken sleep,nighmares and nostalgia.
l cant tell the difference between reality and dreaming anymore,everything seems to move in slow motion.
l awake after what seems like a minute of sleep and get washed up and load into the van.
everyones moaning about being tired but if they'd gone to bed instead of drinking all night then maybe they wouldnt be tired.
another long drive with nothing but forced conversation and a constant worry about how we are gonna eat today. l just sit with my head on the window staring out over the landscape, a different country yet the feeling stays the same.l feel like a solitary cloud rolling over the hills and through the skies and everything that touches me just falls away.
josh is talking about some girl he's trying to hook up with at the show tonight and l just cringe, l spend almost 24 hours with these people, my 'best friends', but of late l find l couldnt be so further apart from then, everyone feels it l think, like an unbearable anchor pulling us down slowly and l'm the one forcing it down.l get so frustrated with myself sometimes l feel like tearing open my chest to see if there's anything in there......TBC
5.49am.On a sofa in somewhere in germany, the room is pitch black and dan is snoring so loud l can't hear myself think,it makes me wanna go over and somther him with his god damn sleeping bag, l turn over and my whole body aches and creaks from the show last night, l dont know how much longer l can keep this up, giving my soul to rooms of uninterested people each night, laying down my bones for the vultures to pick off in the name of performance. it's getting tiring.
l put my headphones in and try to drift off to sleep despite knowing l have to be up in 3 hours for another 8 hour drive.great.
l stare into the darkness trying to focus on whats in the room ,recently sleep has become an alien concept to me,my nights are filled with patches of broken sleep,nighmares and nostalgia.
l cant tell the difference between reality and dreaming anymore,everything seems to move in slow motion.
l awake after what seems like a minute of sleep and get washed up and load into the van.
everyones moaning about being tired but if they'd gone to bed instead of drinking all night then maybe they wouldnt be tired.
another long drive with nothing but forced conversation and a constant worry about how we are gonna eat today. l just sit with my head on the window staring out over the landscape, a different country yet the feeling stays the same.l feel like a solitary cloud rolling over the hills and through the skies and everything that touches me just falls away.
josh is talking about some girl he's trying to hook up with at the show tonight and l just cringe, l spend almost 24 hours with these people, my 'best friends', but of late l find l couldnt be so further apart from then, everyone feels it l think, like an unbearable anchor pulling us down slowly and l'm the one forcing it down.l get so frustrated with myself sometimes l feel like tearing open my chest to see if there's anything in there......TBC
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Southern Discomfort.
It's 3.39am and on another bout of chronic insomnia l cant help but think over the past year and the changes that have led me to this current situation.
so much has changed in the past year, a new city, new jobs, new friends but gaining that l've lost some good old friends, a band that consumed my life for 6 years and a general sense of security.now l sit unemployed, broke and moving out in 3 weeks with no place or home to go to as yet and it l never thought that a few months of bad circumstances would change my life so drastically and make me feel so lost and feeling my age for the first time.
l guess it's all part of growing up and nothings ever really certain in life but l guess l find charges hard sometimes especially when it comes to friends, its strange how you can be so close to someone for so long then with insignificant things such as jobs,girlfriends,locations etc get in the way it can all just fall apart so quick.
l guess l'm just in a melancholic mood tonight.
the days grow longer and the nights grow darker.....
this songs sums up my mood right now
but this songs gives me hope as things could be a lot worse.
what a riff!
It's 3.39am and on another bout of chronic insomnia l cant help but think over the past year and the changes that have led me to this current situation.
so much has changed in the past year, a new city, new jobs, new friends but gaining that l've lost some good old friends, a band that consumed my life for 6 years and a general sense of security.now l sit unemployed, broke and moving out in 3 weeks with no place or home to go to as yet and it l never thought that a few months of bad circumstances would change my life so drastically and make me feel so lost and feeling my age for the first time.
l guess it's all part of growing up and nothings ever really certain in life but l guess l find charges hard sometimes especially when it comes to friends, its strange how you can be so close to someone for so long then with insignificant things such as jobs,girlfriends,locations etc get in the way it can all just fall apart so quick.
l guess l'm just in a melancholic mood tonight.
the days grow longer and the nights grow darker.....
this songs sums up my mood right now
but this songs gives me hope as things could be a lot worse.
what a riff!
Sunday, 1 March 2009
Saturday, 28 February 2009
we sit
salt stained and bone dry
we protest
and pass through the days of broken sleep
with the beating of our hearts
with the clicking of our bones
to the nights that never seem to end
and the dawns that rise to the same routine
l stay
frozen in the headlights of my discontent
still quiet
l breathe in
desperation reigns
l bleed out
like the ouroboros we try
life
love
regret
forget.
Remnants..
With the weather slowly warming up, what is it about sunny days that make me feel so damn nostalgic.
it's strange how a certain sound,smell or sight can cast you back to a certain time or a certain place and make you feel melancholic and bittersweet.
l've always had a problem with looking at the past through rose tinted glasses and l dont know when it will stop, will l keep looking to the past wishing for those days to be back when in hindsight they were not that great and just pass buy the good things in the present beacuse l'm always looking into the past.
l know most people dont reminisce about the past as strongly as l do and l hope that one day l'll be content with what l have.
some sunny days sure beat the hell out of me..
With the weather slowly warming up, what is it about sunny days that make me feel so damn nostalgic.
it's strange how a certain sound,smell or sight can cast you back to a certain time or a certain place and make you feel melancholic and bittersweet.
l've always had a problem with looking at the past through rose tinted glasses and l dont know when it will stop, will l keep looking to the past wishing for those days to be back when in hindsight they were not that great and just pass buy the good things in the present beacuse l'm always looking into the past.
l know most people dont reminisce about the past as strongly as l do and l hope that one day l'll be content with what l have.
some sunny days sure beat the hell out of me..
Friday, 13 February 2009
As the sun crept down and ate everything in it's path...
I awoke with a shooting pain,it was my arm,a familiar throbbing sharp sensation that feels like your arm is on fire and every muscle and tendon is screaming all at once, l started shaking it to get the blood flowing when l adjusted my blurry eyes and realised l did not recognise the room l was in. confused my head hit the pillow and a sweet scent hit my nose life a slap in the face.
My mind drifted back to last night, l vaguely remembered a girl but the thumping in my head and the horrible taste in my mouth told me l drank more than l should have.
I jumped up and looked around the room, it was a cheap hotel room.The walls were stained yellow from years of cigarette smoke.
my clothes were strewn on the floor and there was a condom packet on the side of the bed.
What the hell happened? Going out on a bender was a regular occurance for me and waking up next to strange women even more so, still l was racking my brain thinking back to the night but for some reason l couldn’t remember anything, just patches of darkness and shaowdy figures clouding my mind.
I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face and attempted to freshen up,l looked at my watch ‘8.32’.
Damn, l was supposed to be at work in 25 mins.
I threw my clothes on and jumped out the door.
I soon realised where l was and managed to grab a taxi, l still felt hungover and my suit smelt like a tobbaco factory.
The taxi pulled up outside a huge steel building with men and women in suits rushing about, l had worked here for 5 years , a nameless office inputting data for 8 hours a day, l had become numb to it all. Days of hellish work and nights of drinking and sleeping around,it was a futile existence but l felt like that was all l had, the dreams and hopes I had at 21 were long gone.
I bailed out of the taxi and got in the elevator to the 6th floor where l worked, l figured l could slip into my office unoticed and try and work my hangover off.
I managed to get in my office and get my computer started, l looked out the window the sun was beaming and the birds were chirping, l’d looked out the window a million times but never had noticed the sky before, it looked different, a million colours dazzling and blending into one and
shining directly into my soul.
Still casting my mind back to last night it was just a blur, l vaguley remembered meeting some girl but after that l cant remember anything.strange.must have been something in the tequilla.
About an hour in to my working day, l felt an itching on my back,l attempted to scratch it with my pen but it wouldn’t go away, over the next 2 hours the itching became worse and worse,it felt like someone was prodding me with a knitting needle, l kept scratching and scratching and suddenty felt these 2 little lumps appear under my shoulderblades.
I suddently felt very sick, ‘what was wrong with me’ l ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt, l turnedd to the mirror and l could see my skin bulging and tearing,it felt like thousands of needles were sticking in my back, blood started to trickle out and and the skin started to tear and all of a sudden these 2 little leg type protusions appared on my back, l was very scared l ddint know what to do so l wiped up the blood and l put my shirt back on and went back to my office. my head was pounding sweat was dripping from my forehead and l was shaking, l didnt know what to do, a thousand terible thoughts wizzed through my head about what was happening to me.
The itiching continued and l could hear the seams of my shirt rippng, they were getting bigger, my head was spinning , the flourescent lights in my office were making me dizzy,l ran back to the bathroom and ripped off my shirt. The legs had grown into what l could only describe as wings,
Now l was really freaking out.l had to get outside, l ran down the fire escape so no one could see me and ran onto the street, l stopped and just looked around, l didn’t know what to do or where to go, just then l noticed an attractive girl walking on the other side af the street and it just hit me, everything from the night before came flooding back,the club, the girl,talking about how much my life was meaningless and how she said she could help me.
l flew into a blind panic 'She must have done this! ' I ran across the street narrowingly missing getting hit by 2 or 3 cars and junped in front of her,l grabbed here and started shaking her.
‘what have you done to me’ l yelled.. l have fucking wings growing out of my back,what the hells have you done to me’!
Just then she just looked at me and everything around me stopped. Her eyes shone a dazzling brilliant blue that nearly blinded me,'l have set you free'
and she turned and carried on walking,l just stood there trying to process it all, just then the sun seemed to rise up over the buildings and shine on me, everything around me went into slow motion and a strange sense of calmness came over me,
Just then my back started twitching, l felt myself being slwoly lifetd up, the wings in my bag had no grown huhe and were flapping, l was being lifted up and up past my work builiding and over the street, everything looked so small and insignificant. The sun shone blindingly and everything seemes to grow in colour,every sound and thought was blocked out and l could feel myself flying faster and faster,the sun grew brigher and brighter and the landscape slowly became smaller and smaller until there was nothing left.l closed my eyes and felt everything wash over me.
I awoke with a shooting pain,it was my arm,a familiar throbbing sharp sensation that feels like your arm is on fire and every muscle and tendon is screaming all at once, l started shaking it to get the blood flowing when l adjusted my blurry eyes and realised l did not recognise the room l was in. confused my head hit the pillow and a sweet scent hit my nose life a slap in the face.
My mind drifted back to last night, l vaguely remembered a girl but the thumping in my head and the horrible taste in my mouth told me l drank more than l should have.
I jumped up and looked around the room, it was a cheap hotel room.The walls were stained yellow from years of cigarette smoke.
my clothes were strewn on the floor and there was a condom packet on the side of the bed.
What the hell happened? Going out on a bender was a regular occurance for me and waking up next to strange women even more so, still l was racking my brain thinking back to the night but for some reason l couldn’t remember anything, just patches of darkness and shaowdy figures clouding my mind.
I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face and attempted to freshen up,l looked at my watch ‘8.32’.
Damn, l was supposed to be at work in 25 mins.
I threw my clothes on and jumped out the door.
I soon realised where l was and managed to grab a taxi, l still felt hungover and my suit smelt like a tobbaco factory.
The taxi pulled up outside a huge steel building with men and women in suits rushing about, l had worked here for 5 years , a nameless office inputting data for 8 hours a day, l had become numb to it all. Days of hellish work and nights of drinking and sleeping around,it was a futile existence but l felt like that was all l had, the dreams and hopes I had at 21 were long gone.
I bailed out of the taxi and got in the elevator to the 6th floor where l worked, l figured l could slip into my office unoticed and try and work my hangover off.
I managed to get in my office and get my computer started, l looked out the window the sun was beaming and the birds were chirping, l’d looked out the window a million times but never had noticed the sky before, it looked different, a million colours dazzling and blending into one and
shining directly into my soul.
Still casting my mind back to last night it was just a blur, l vaguley remembered meeting some girl but after that l cant remember anything.strange.must have been something in the tequilla.
About an hour in to my working day, l felt an itching on my back,l attempted to scratch it with my pen but it wouldn’t go away, over the next 2 hours the itching became worse and worse,it felt like someone was prodding me with a knitting needle, l kept scratching and scratching and suddenty felt these 2 little lumps appear under my shoulderblades.
I suddently felt very sick, ‘what was wrong with me’ l ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt, l turnedd to the mirror and l could see my skin bulging and tearing,it felt like thousands of needles were sticking in my back, blood started to trickle out and and the skin started to tear and all of a sudden these 2 little leg type protusions appared on my back, l was very scared l ddint know what to do so l wiped up the blood and l put my shirt back on and went back to my office. my head was pounding sweat was dripping from my forehead and l was shaking, l didnt know what to do, a thousand terible thoughts wizzed through my head about what was happening to me.
The itiching continued and l could hear the seams of my shirt rippng, they were getting bigger, my head was spinning , the flourescent lights in my office were making me dizzy,l ran back to the bathroom and ripped off my shirt. The legs had grown into what l could only describe as wings,
Now l was really freaking out.l had to get outside, l ran down the fire escape so no one could see me and ran onto the street, l stopped and just looked around, l didn’t know what to do or where to go, just then l noticed an attractive girl walking on the other side af the street and it just hit me, everything from the night before came flooding back,the club, the girl,talking about how much my life was meaningless and how she said she could help me.
l flew into a blind panic 'She must have done this! ' I ran across the street narrowingly missing getting hit by 2 or 3 cars and junped in front of her,l grabbed here and started shaking her.
‘what have you done to me’ l yelled.. l have fucking wings growing out of my back,what the hells have you done to me’!
Just then she just looked at me and everything around me stopped. Her eyes shone a dazzling brilliant blue that nearly blinded me,'l have set you free'
and she turned and carried on walking,l just stood there trying to process it all, just then the sun seemed to rise up over the buildings and shine on me, everything around me went into slow motion and a strange sense of calmness came over me,
Just then my back started twitching, l felt myself being slwoly lifetd up, the wings in my bag had no grown huhe and were flapping, l was being lifted up and up past my work builiding and over the street, everything looked so small and insignificant. The sun shone blindingly and everything seemes to grow in colour,every sound and thought was blocked out and l could feel myself flying faster and faster,the sun grew brigher and brighter and the landscape slowly became smaller and smaller until there was nothing left.l closed my eyes and felt everything wash over me.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Wax Hearts
‘Morning’..’ morning’ l replied battling through the wind and rain of this dreary brighton street, another day on my way to work, another day oi the same old routine.l arrived at work and sat down.
I grabbed a coffee and wished away the next few hours until my lunch break.
Sure enough 12pm came around and l grabbed my coat and headed out the door,
I headed straight for ‘the vinyl tap’ a great used record store that l frequented almost every luchtime and spent most of my wages in there.
‘hey stan’ l shouted as l walked in, stan was the owner and older than prob all the records in there but he kept the prices low and was a nice guy, ‘ hi dean, hows work?’ he replied.
‘ ha the same as ever, l swear l’m gonna go mad one of these days’ ‘why don’t you retire and let me run this place?’
‘haha’ stan laughed out loud ‘ you would bankrupt me by taking all the stock before anyone even came in’no chance’
l laughed because l knew it was true, l glanced around and asked stan if there was anything new in.
‘They were just brought in’ pointing to a box in the back, ‘l havent had time to go throught them yet so have a look’
I wandered over to the box and had a look through, a few good records, some decent stuff.
Just then while browing through l looked up and something caught my eye,a record on the wall, l had been in here a thousand times and never noticed it, there was something about it, it shone brightly and looked so precious that l had to look at it.
Hey stan, whats this record,l’ve never seen it before’
‘I found it in a box of old records l got at an auction. I don’t know much about it’
l took it off the wall and stared at it, l cuold see my reflection in it and it had a warm glow to it that l had never felt ,l had to have it,l had no idea what it sounded like and it had nothing on it apart from the words ‘amore perso’ so it could have been anything but something inside me had to have it.
I gtabbed it and gave stan some cash and left for my way back to work.
I got into work late and saw her walking towards me, she was the most beautiful women l had ever seen and l had admired her from afar for years but never had the nerve to talk to her, she walked towards me and my heart started pounding, l put my head down and quickly brushed past her, l don’t know why l could talk t her,her name was isobell and l had been in love with her since the moment l saw her.
She was the only reason l still worked here.
The next few hours passed and l rushed home, l pulled out the record and put it on, the most beautiful sound came out of my speakers, a haunting yet magical melody, l’d never heard anything like it, it was so sad yet so beautiful at the same time, l constantly listened to it and the more l did the more it sounded like a women singing was crying out for something, l tried to find some information on it but there was nothing.
Even when the record was off it constantly played in my head.
My dreams were filled with the sound of this record and the images of a beautiful women walking through the streets crying.
I woke up covered in sweat, l could not get the sound of the women out of my head.
At work the next day the sound of the record drowned out everything, it kept getting louder and louder untill l could concentrate anymore.
I went to get a drink of water and saw isobell, everything seemed to stop around me and the music in my head quietened down,l started to feel different as if something was pushing me to go over to her,l slowly approached her desk and started to talk, she looked like a rose, she sat there so precious ,so beautiful,the sun shone onto her hair like the fires of apollo himself.as dark as the night sky and as soft as a thousand feathers.l slowly asked if she would accompany me for a drink tonight and to my surprise she agreeded.
l walked back to my office on cloud 9,it felt like a dream.
On my lunch break l ran to see stan and tell him the good news but when l got the the store it was boarded up, l looked thought the window and it looked lke nothing had been there for years, l was so confused,l was only here yesterday, Stan didn’t say anything about shutting down.l didn’t know what to think.l asked a guy painting the next building if he had seen the shop close down but he just looked at me strangely and replied ‘there’s been nothing open in there mate for years’
Hmm, l couldn’t figure out what was going on so
l skipped work and went home to get ready for my date.
l put the record on and it seemed more intense, the womens voice getting louder and more sullen.my head started thumping so l switched it off but it still played round and round in my head.
l quickly got ready and went to meet isobell, we had a great time, l felt like another person had taken over my body, l wasn’t nervous or scared and it just seemed to go so well.We had a lot in common and it turns out she was a music lover so l quietly asked if she wanted to come back t mine and listen to some records.she agreed and we headed back to my place.
We sat down with a couple of drinks and l decided to put ‘amore perso’ on , as soon as the first few seconds came throught the speaker isobells eyes were wide open and started to well up, she started shaking and looked shocked.
She started crying.
‘Isobell, are you ok?, whats the matter?’ l asked
‘n-n-nothing dean, ermmm l have to go’
She grabbed her coat and ran out the door.
I stood there baffled and confused, had l done something wrong? l couldn’t figure it out.it was going so well.l felt horrible and just climbed into bed.
‘bzzz,bzzzz’, l woke up with a bolt and heard the doorbell ,l looked at my watch 2.47am. who would be coming round at this time?
l got dressed and opened the door, it was isobell.
‘Dean, l have to show you something.’
‘isobell, are you ok? You just ran out earlier’
‘l’m ok, l need you to listen to something’
We went to my room and out of her bag she pulled out a record , it was identical to mine and had the words ‘amore perso’ inscribed onto it but there was something about it that was different.
‘ hey where did you get that from, l have the same record’
‘Please dean just play them together’
l got my spare record player and and placed her record on it, it started playing and the same sad sound came out of the speakers,just then a mans voice,deep and tortured came out of the speaker and this brilliant light filled the room.
My record player started and both records started playing.
A brilliant sound so beautifull filled the room lounder than anything l have ever hear, a brillaint red light filled my eyes and the sound that was once so sad suddenly changed to a happier sound,the record player started shaking and the music kept getting louder and the light brighter,l could see a thing.
The music kept getting louder and louder until it was unbearable, l put my heands over my ears and closed my eyes.
A few second later the room was suddenly quiet and dark like nothing had happened, l turned to isobell.
‘ermm ,what just happened’
she looked at the record players and both records were gone.
Isobell was crying ‘l have to tell you something’
She started talking about a tale of forbidden love between a king and a servant girl in the 13th century, both were exeucted for adultury and somehow there spirit’s had been searching for each other ever since,Isobel inherited the record from her grandfather who told her the story and she hadn’t believed it until the moment she heard my record.
l didn’t know what to think about what l had just heard and seen, it all seemed so far fetched, l walked over the the window saw the sun rising up , it seemed to rise directly above my window and it shone so brightly throught the room, l looked at isobll and her eyes sparkeld like diamonds and her hair was as golden as the sun and she had never looked so beautiful, l leaned in and kissed her lips.the room lit up blindingly bright just as my speakers started up and the most beautiful sound came out filling up the room.at that moment nothing else mattered.
‘Morning’..’ morning’ l replied battling through the wind and rain of this dreary brighton street, another day on my way to work, another day oi the same old routine.l arrived at work and sat down.
I grabbed a coffee and wished away the next few hours until my lunch break.
Sure enough 12pm came around and l grabbed my coat and headed out the door,
I headed straight for ‘the vinyl tap’ a great used record store that l frequented almost every luchtime and spent most of my wages in there.
‘hey stan’ l shouted as l walked in, stan was the owner and older than prob all the records in there but he kept the prices low and was a nice guy, ‘ hi dean, hows work?’ he replied.
‘ ha the same as ever, l swear l’m gonna go mad one of these days’ ‘why don’t you retire and let me run this place?’
‘haha’ stan laughed out loud ‘ you would bankrupt me by taking all the stock before anyone even came in’no chance’
l laughed because l knew it was true, l glanced around and asked stan if there was anything new in.
‘They were just brought in’ pointing to a box in the back, ‘l havent had time to go throught them yet so have a look’
I wandered over to the box and had a look through, a few good records, some decent stuff.
Just then while browing through l looked up and something caught my eye,a record on the wall, l had been in here a thousand times and never noticed it, there was something about it, it shone brightly and looked so precious that l had to look at it.
Hey stan, whats this record,l’ve never seen it before’
‘I found it in a box of old records l got at an auction. I don’t know much about it’
l took it off the wall and stared at it, l cuold see my reflection in it and it had a warm glow to it that l had never felt ,l had to have it,l had no idea what it sounded like and it had nothing on it apart from the words ‘amore perso’ so it could have been anything but something inside me had to have it.
I gtabbed it and gave stan some cash and left for my way back to work.
I got into work late and saw her walking towards me, she was the most beautiful women l had ever seen and l had admired her from afar for years but never had the nerve to talk to her, she walked towards me and my heart started pounding, l put my head down and quickly brushed past her, l don’t know why l could talk t her,her name was isobell and l had been in love with her since the moment l saw her.
She was the only reason l still worked here.
The next few hours passed and l rushed home, l pulled out the record and put it on, the most beautiful sound came out of my speakers, a haunting yet magical melody, l’d never heard anything like it, it was so sad yet so beautiful at the same time, l constantly listened to it and the more l did the more it sounded like a women singing was crying out for something, l tried to find some information on it but there was nothing.
Even when the record was off it constantly played in my head.
My dreams were filled with the sound of this record and the images of a beautiful women walking through the streets crying.
I woke up covered in sweat, l could not get the sound of the women out of my head.
At work the next day the sound of the record drowned out everything, it kept getting louder and louder untill l could concentrate anymore.
I went to get a drink of water and saw isobell, everything seemed to stop around me and the music in my head quietened down,l started to feel different as if something was pushing me to go over to her,l slowly approached her desk and started to talk, she looked like a rose, she sat there so precious ,so beautiful,the sun shone onto her hair like the fires of apollo himself.as dark as the night sky and as soft as a thousand feathers.l slowly asked if she would accompany me for a drink tonight and to my surprise she agreeded.
l walked back to my office on cloud 9,it felt like a dream.
On my lunch break l ran to see stan and tell him the good news but when l got the the store it was boarded up, l looked thought the window and it looked lke nothing had been there for years, l was so confused,l was only here yesterday, Stan didn’t say anything about shutting down.l didn’t know what to think.l asked a guy painting the next building if he had seen the shop close down but he just looked at me strangely and replied ‘there’s been nothing open in there mate for years’
Hmm, l couldn’t figure out what was going on so
l skipped work and went home to get ready for my date.
l put the record on and it seemed more intense, the womens voice getting louder and more sullen.my head started thumping so l switched it off but it still played round and round in my head.
l quickly got ready and went to meet isobell, we had a great time, l felt like another person had taken over my body, l wasn’t nervous or scared and it just seemed to go so well.We had a lot in common and it turns out she was a music lover so l quietly asked if she wanted to come back t mine and listen to some records.she agreed and we headed back to my place.
We sat down with a couple of drinks and l decided to put ‘amore perso’ on , as soon as the first few seconds came throught the speaker isobells eyes were wide open and started to well up, she started shaking and looked shocked.
She started crying.
‘Isobell, are you ok?, whats the matter?’ l asked
‘n-n-nothing dean, ermmm l have to go’
She grabbed her coat and ran out the door.
I stood there baffled and confused, had l done something wrong? l couldn’t figure it out.it was going so well.l felt horrible and just climbed into bed.
‘bzzz,bzzzz’, l woke up with a bolt and heard the doorbell ,l looked at my watch 2.47am. who would be coming round at this time?
l got dressed and opened the door, it was isobell.
‘Dean, l have to show you something.’
‘isobell, are you ok? You just ran out earlier’
‘l’m ok, l need you to listen to something’
We went to my room and out of her bag she pulled out a record , it was identical to mine and had the words ‘amore perso’ inscribed onto it but there was something about it that was different.
‘ hey where did you get that from, l have the same record’
‘Please dean just play them together’
l got my spare record player and and placed her record on it, it started playing and the same sad sound came out of the speakers,just then a mans voice,deep and tortured came out of the speaker and this brilliant light filled the room.
My record player started and both records started playing.
A brilliant sound so beautifull filled the room lounder than anything l have ever hear, a brillaint red light filled my eyes and the sound that was once so sad suddenly changed to a happier sound,the record player started shaking and the music kept getting louder and the light brighter,l could see a thing.
The music kept getting louder and louder until it was unbearable, l put my heands over my ears and closed my eyes.
A few second later the room was suddenly quiet and dark like nothing had happened, l turned to isobell.
‘ermm ,what just happened’
she looked at the record players and both records were gone.
Isobell was crying ‘l have to tell you something’
She started talking about a tale of forbidden love between a king and a servant girl in the 13th century, both were exeucted for adultury and somehow there spirit’s had been searching for each other ever since,Isobel inherited the record from her grandfather who told her the story and she hadn’t believed it until the moment she heard my record.
l didn’t know what to think about what l had just heard and seen, it all seemed so far fetched, l walked over the the window saw the sun rising up , it seemed to rise directly above my window and it shone so brightly throught the room, l looked at isobll and her eyes sparkeld like diamonds and her hair was as golden as the sun and she had never looked so beautiful, l leaned in and kissed her lips.the room lit up blindingly bright just as my speakers started up and the most beautiful sound came out filling up the room.at that moment nothing else mattered.
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Even Flow
Every few years l pull this book out and forget how awesome it it, defo in the running with 'get in the van' for my favourite music-related book.
It exhaustively documents the seattle grunge scene over 50 years up until the mid 90's , it a slog to get through it but it's worth it, being on a total 90's grunge trip at the moment it inspired me to listen to bands l'd not listened to in 10 years, l remember hearing Nirvana on the radio when l was getting ready for school around 1992 (god, that makes me feel old) and embarrisingly trying to sing along in the mirror with a hairbrush for a microphone until my mum came in and gave me the ' what on earth are you doing' look. ha, although l ended up trading the hairbrush for a real microphone years later l still miss the excitement and mystery of when l first got into music.
On a better note , today l am going to sign on for the first time ever. signing on at 27 makes me feel somewhat demeaned but everyones got their own hard times these days, right?.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Saturday, 24 January 2009
misery is the river of the world..
2009-A new year, a fresh start, l usually give in to the 'tradition' of making resolutions but this year the only resolution l'm gonna make to is make the most out of life and not just keep saying it.
So much has happened in the past year, l now find myself in a new city, unemployed and struggling to keep my head above water.The only saving grace of being unemployed is time, l have the luxury of immersing myself in music,films and books all day long and if l could get someone to pay me to do that then life would be sweet.
This wind is making me feel old before my time...
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