Let's Get Lost

Solitude.

5.49am.On a sofa in somewhere in germany, the room is pitch black and dan is snoring so loud l can't hear myself think,it makes me wanna go over and somther him with his god damn sleeping bag, l turn over and my whole body aches and creaks from the show last night, l dont know how much longer l can keep this up, giving my soul to rooms of uninterested people each night, laying down my bones for the vultures to pick off in the name of performance. it's getting tiring.
l put my headphones in and try to drift off to sleep despite knowing l have to be up in 3 hours for another 8 hour drive.great.
l stare into the darkness trying to focus on whats in the room ,recently sleep has become an alien concept to me,my nights are filled with patches of broken sleep,nighmares and nostalgia.
l cant tell the difference between reality and dreaming anymore,everything seems to move in slow motion.
l awake after what seems like a minute of sleep and get washed up and load into the van.
everyones moaning about being tired but if they'd gone to bed instead of drinking all night then maybe they wouldnt be tired.
another long drive with nothing but forced conversation and a constant worry about how we are gonna eat today. l just sit with my head on the window staring out over the landscape, a different country yet the feeling stays the same.l feel like a solitary cloud rolling over the hills and through the skies and everything that touches me just falls away.
josh is talking about some girl he's trying to hook up with at the show tonight and l just cringe, l spend almost 24 hours with these people, my 'best friends', but of late l find l couldnt be so further apart from then, everyone feels it l think, like an unbearable anchor pulling us down slowly and l'm the one forcing it down.l get so frustrated with myself sometimes l feel like tearing open my chest to see if there's anything in there......TBC